


Particularly Cold Day

by WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken



Series: Crazy Bastard [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Flashbacks, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Memories, Post-Break Up, Sad, implied depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:08:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26597302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken/pseuds/WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken
Summary: On a rainy afternoon, Jisung decides to sort out one of his closets he rarely uses anymore.It’s a simple task but he comes across things he had long forgotten about. Some bringing happy memories, others not so much.He laughs and cries but in the end, he just has to accept it all and move on.Can he though?
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Series: Crazy Bastard [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1934878
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	Particularly Cold Day

**Author's Note:**

> It's series time baby.  
> Inspired by the mv.  
> There will be eight parts, all somewhat connected but following a different member each time.
> 
> Now playing; Lord Huron - The Night We Met

Jisung has been laying on his bed for too long already, just staring up at his ceiling. He can’t remember when he had blinked last or when it had started raining, the sound loud enough to interfere with the soft beats and delicate strumming of a guitar coming from his speakers. 

Normally he would get up and fix the volume but the bed is way too comfortable and he finds himself not caring all that much this afternoon. His laziness – numbness? - even extends to the fact that he hasn’t even bothered putting his dead phone in the charger after coming back from classes. 

Felix will probably not like it but he just hopes the boy will get it like he always does when Jisung has a day like this.

The only problem is that it isn’t just a day; he has been like this for months now. He doesn’t know what _this_ even means or how to describe it, but the best way he can explain it is to compare the feeling to being underwater. Everything is either muted or completely cut off. Vague. Cold. Weightless. Woozy.

The strumming continues and so does the rain against his window.

He tears his eyes away after what feels like an eternity and blinks. His heart does this weird drop like something in him is anxious now that his head is somewhat back at earth. 

Jisung swallows down the feeling and rolls his head to look around his room. 

The place feels sterile, empty, without the posters and plants and clothing strewn about. He really regrets it, but he had torn the posters so much apart that they were beyond repair and had to be thrown out. And the plants… they had withered away soon after that.

Jisung could have stopped it if he hadn’t been so fascinated to see the process happening right in front of his eyes. It was symbolic, relatable, in a way. He had empathised and sympathised until there was little left.

He sighs and his eyes land on that one door on his left, previously a pristine white but now yellowing due to old age. His eyes linger and he realises that he hasn’t opened that door in a long time. So long that he can’t even remember what is in there. He only knows it probably isn’t anything important if he can’t remember.

And for the first time in forever, he feels a tinge of curiosity. Enough to make him sit up and scoot to the edge of his bed. The sudden movement makes dark spots swim in front of his eyes but he pushes it away as he gets up and waddles over to the door.

It’s something like a build-in closet, the poor version if you will. That he still knows.

Jisung is slightly scared to open the door, afraid of cobwebs and maybe some kind of rodent or gross insect attacking him as soon as he does. 

It triggers the first memory. One of many yet to come.

_’’One! I’m coming!,’’_

_Jisung scoots a bit further away from the door, hoping to wiggle himself in between the wall and a stack of boxes. He is small enough despite being twenty-one but apparently not sober enough and he startles when his hand comes in contact with a cobweb. He knocks one of the boxes over and it clatters to the floor with a loud thud and Jisung whines into the dark._

_He is definitely going to get found now._

_Still, he tries to not move a single muscle and keep his breathing in check as he hopes for the best. At least he is somewhat hidden. Can’t say that about Hyunjin who he had spotted behind the curtain in the living room or Changbin trying to fit into one of the tiny cupboards in the kitchen, not being able to close it back up all the way._

_It is clear that Hyunjin gets found first, a loud dramatic screech echoing throughout the whole dorm, followed by a loud cackling._

_Jisung snorts and leans his head back, feeling the rush of having to find a place to hide slowly wear off and making way for a tranquillity that’s hard to find when your friends are loud and nosy. He still loves them, but he is sure that he is gonna be exhausted tomorrow just from the massive hit his introverted ass is taking._

_But tomorrow is a Sunday so it’s all good._

_The adrenaline returns when he suddenly hears the door to his room bang open and he yelps but he is able to slap a hand to his mouth to muffle it._

_‘’Come out come out wherever you are,’’ a voice taunts, the words slightly slurred and Jisung giggles behind his hand._

_‘’That’s fucking creepy. Don’t do that!,’’ Jisung then hears Felix say and he almost bursts out laughing. He hadn’t seen Felix before ducking into the closet but from the grunts and whines he thinks the boy was probably under Jisung’s bed._

_‘’I can do whatever I want. And it worked pretty damn well,’’_

_Then there is a loud huff and footsteps rushing out of the room. Felix has definitely ran off. Jisung almost thinks he is in the clear now that one person has been found in this room but the footsteps migrate from near his bedroom door to the closet._

_‘’Let me see,’’ the voice mumbles knowingly, too close for comfort, ‘’My squirrel-senses are tingling,’’_

_Oh. Shit._

_Jisung lets out a strangled sound, a mix of anticipation and fear and despite it being barely audible to his own ears, it seems to be more than enough._

_The door swings open and Jisung screeches again, jerks to the side and barely catches himself._

_‘’You asshole,’’ he whines, trying to get his eyes to focus now that light from his bedroom seeps into the closet and makes the figure in front of him look like a dark shadow, ‘’How did you know I was here?,’’_

_There is another chuckle, followed by the figure coming closer and the door falling shut again. There is some rustling and Jisung can sense that the guy has sat down in front of him. It gets confirmed when suddenly there are hands on his hips and he gets tugged onto the guy’s lap._

_He can’t even protest before hands are mapping out his face, ending up cupping his cheeks._

_‘’Good evening,’’ the older almost whispers, ‘’Do you come here often?,’’_

_Jisung snorts and lets his face get guided, lips soon pressing to his in a chaste kiss._

_‘’Actually, I haven’t been here since I was fifteen. Not this closet, another one, but they are all one and the same,’’_

_Now it’s the other’s time to snort and Jisung smiles even though he can’t fucking see anything, he doesn’t need to. Jisung’s perfectly capable of imagining the amused sparkle in the older’s eyes._

_‘’I can get behind that, although this closet seems pretty sweet to me. It apparently comes with a very cute boy,’’_

_Before Jisung can even try to express his embarrassment there’s another kiss on his lips, just a little longer before they divert to his jaw. Then hands slip under his shirt, gently tracing his skin._

_‘’I thought we were playing hide and seek, Minho,’’ Jisung mumbles with a smile, ‘’Not seven minutes in heaven,’’_

_The response he gets is another kiss, this time more pressing and a lot messier. The fingers dig into his hips a bit harder. He isn’t complaining, but his lungs are so he has no choice but to back out after a couple of minutes._

_‘’Let’s get out of here,’’ Jisung speaks, ‘’I think you still have some people to find and I am sure Changbin is going to break his neck if he doesn’t get found soon,’’_

_Minho gives him a very childish huff, ‘’I’ve already found what I needed to find. The rest can fuck off,’’_

_Jisung rolls his eyes even though Minho can’t see before pushing himself up and out of the older’s lap. Minho actually whines, Jisung calls him a big baby and helps the older up on his feet. There is another quick peck before Minho takes his hand and opens the closet._

_‘’I’m Gay!,’’ Minho yells loudly as soon as they step out of the closet. So stupid but Jisung giggles anyways as the older drags him out of the room._

_‘’We been knew,’’ someone – Chan - sighs loudly, coming somewhere from the bathroom._

_There is a tiny silence, Minho’s smirk grows a bit wider and then there is a panicked ‘fuck’ coming from the same direction._

_‘’Come out come out wherever you are,’’_

And Jisung isn’t so sure about opening that door anymore. He tightens his grip on the knob and suddenly his lips are too dry. 

But how bad could it be, right?

Turns out it isn’t. He doesn’t get attacked by any surprise animals when he opens the door and when he turns on the single lightbulb he finds barely any cobwebs or spiders. What he does find is dusty boxes messily stacked in the corner, a couple of forgotten jackets on hangers on his left and a somewhat folded stack of clothes in the corner opposite of the boxes.

He takes a hesitant step inside and coughs when the musky smell hits his nose. The dust isn’t helping either but it isn’t all that bad. 

His eyes also find old books, a whiteboard still full off scribbling and magnets, childhood plushies in an almost transparent plastic bag and a lot more junk he really doesn’t need to keep in a college dorm.

Jisung gravitates towards the clothes stacked on right and he realises that if he wants to see if there is anything still usable, he will have to start there and air them out at least before throwing them in the washing machine.

The song is on loop and starts from the beginning again right when Jisung squats down and grabs the pile of clothes, praying that there isn’t a spider hidden away somewhere and ready to jump out when he least expects it to.

It is a stressful couple of steps out of the closet before he dumps the pile on the floor. Instantly he recognizes some stuff, like that denim jacket he thought he had lost. Seems like it isn’t and he picks it up, smiling to himself when he sees the drawing on the back with obnoxious neon lines.

_’’Lixie! Please don’t ruin it,’’ Jisung presses, wiggling around on his bed anxiously, ‘’It was Minho’s birthday present and he spend so much money on it,’’_

_Felix waves dismissively, tongue threatening to stick out as he sits bend over with a dozen of waterproof sharpies scattered around him. How he’s comfortable sitting on the floor, Jisung doesn’t know._

_‘’I know what I’m doing,’’ the freckled boy mumbles, rather confident in his strokes, ‘’It’s gonna look great,’’_

_It’s not like Jisung doesn’t trusts his almost-twin but he really likes that jacket even though it’s plain as fuck. Probably because it’s an expensive brand. Not that he cares about brands that much but Minho had actually saved up money to buy it for him. And everyone knows how broke students are. So maybe he is a little scared that his boyfriend is going to be upset that Felix drew all over it._

_‘’Still,’’ Jisung mumbles as he flops on his stomach._

_Felix doesn’t respond and it’s a testament to how concentrated he is. It’s a good sign so Jisung relaxes slightly and watches as Felix switches out the neon green for and obnoxious pink, pulling the cap off with his teeth._

_Jisung zones out for the rest of it and before he knows it, Felix throws the sharpie down and holds up the jacket, nodding enthusiastically before announcing he is done. Jisung perks up and Felix turns it around, showing his handiwork._

_Despite Jisung’s earlier reservations, he finds himself smiling when he sees a brightly coloured squirrel holding an acorn. It’s mostly linework with some artistic touches, rather simple in design but nice nonetheless._

_‘’Okay you were right,’’ Jisung admits as Felix pushes himself off the floor and makes his way over to the bed to flop down right next to Jisung, throwing the jacket at his face.  
Jisung admires it from up close for a little until Felix jumps up and rolls off the bed._

_‘’Get up and put it on. We gotta take a picture and show the guys,’’_

_They do, way too many before they decide on the one taken from the back with Jisung holding up a peace sign and looking over his shoulder slightly._

_The response in the group chat is overwhelmingly nice and Felix is practically beaming from the compliments. Jisung on the other hand is waiting for Minho to respond. The guy does after a minute or so and Jisung deflates with a smile when it’s a simple ‘Looks stunning’ followed by ‘Oh, we were talking about the jacket?’_

_Typical Minho._

_Anyways, Felix is bouncing around the rest of the evening and they promptly decide on a sleepover. At some point Chan gets back from his part time job and helps Jisung carry a sleeping Felix from the living room to Jisung’s bedroom, grumbling about the fact that he hates his job and that Felix looks way too cute when he’s asleep._

_Jisung teases the older a bit before shoo-ing him out of his room, well aware of the little crush his dormmate has on Jisung’s best friend._

_He slips the jacket off and admires it once more before hanging it over his chair, slipping into bed next to his best friend. Felix lets him cuddle him without moving away – even latches on more than Jisung – and the last thing Jisung thinks about it that assignment he was supposed to have finished today._

_But hey, spending time with Felix is way better anyways._

Jisung sees that the lines have faded a little but it’s still easy to make out the squirrel and the writing underneath; ‘A Felix Original’. It’s clear it’s one of the items he will definitely wear again and he’s really happy he found it. Not like he had actively missed it but that makes him feel bad so he ignores it and places the jacket on his bed. 

By now the rain has gone from absolutely ear-piercing to a soft trickling. 

The next thirty minutes go just about the same, with Jisung plucking out different items and going down memory lane. Not all of the things in his hands harbour any real value, whether it be in memory or money, but it is nice anyways. 

One of the most eye-catching things he hasn’t inspected yet is something white. He reaches out and his fingers find soft but stiff material and when he clamps down on it and pulls it out of the mountain, he doesn’t immediately recognize it. It takes him a while to figure out what it is and it’s only when he sees a weird pinkish stain that it clicks.

_’’Oh my, I am so sorry!,’’_

_Jisung normally isn’t clumsy – that is Jeongin’s job - but it’s not like that matters now, not when he eyes the stain on the stranger’s striped button-up with horror. It’s pristine white now with a splatter of red. Of all the things Jisung could’ve spilled, it just had to be cranberry juice. He knows like no other how impossible it will be to get that out and he comes to the conclusion he has just ruined the stranger’s perfectly good clothes._

_And Chan’s annual ‘back-to-college’ party on the first weekend of the schoolyear has literally just started. What a great way to kick off the evening._

_‘’It’s cool, accidents happen,’’ the guy speaks softly and when Jisung tears his eyes away from the stain, he finds sharp but curious eyes looking back at him._

_Maybe it’s a bit cliché, but Jisung has always had these hopeless-romantic-tendencies so he isn’t afraid to admit to himself that the guy is absolutely beautiful and makes everything around them fade away._

_Goodbye chatter and music, adios cranberry juice dripping down his fingers and the glass laying on the floor by his feet._

_Hello dark, wavy hair and perfectly shaped lips. Bonjour sharp jawline and dangling earrings._

_‘’I- uuhh, it’s… I…,’’ Jisung stumbles, feeling his face heath up when the other chuckles soundlessly._

_Smooth. Real smooth. And he hasn’t even had any alcohol yet._

_‘’You?,’’ the guy replies, slightly taunting like he has perfectly caught onto Jisung’s malfunctioning._

_‘’I mean, you can borrow something? From me? As in, a shirt or something? You know, because you have a stain and all and you should probably take that off,’’_

_Jisung manages to do some damage control by pressing his lips together after that. It seems like it doesn’t really matter because the guy now laughs airily, eyes turning into crescents._

_‘’I don’t even know your name yet and you are already trying to get me to strip? I’m sorry but I’m not that kinda guy sweetie,’’_

_Okay, maybe Jisung chokes on air and turns into a heaving mess afterwards. It’s so embarrassing but the guy doesn’t laugh in his face for it. Instead, his brows furrow in worry before he takes a hold of Jisung’s hand and drags him to the kitchen._

_A glass of water gets pushed into his hand and Jisung manages to smile a little before taking a tentative sip. It sooths the tickle in his throat and with one last cough he feels like he is out of the danger zone._

_‘’Thanks,’’ he squeezes out, feeling his face absolutely burning up._

_The guy merely shrugs and his expression eases, ‘’You’re very welcome. Also, I’m sorry if I freaked you out or something. I didn’t mean to,’’_

_He looks quite apologetic and Jisung smiles, tells him that it is okay and that he was just caught off guard._

_They finally exchange names and Jisung finds out that Minho is a year above Jisung despite being two years older. A whole story about a gap year after high school to work at an animal shelter follows and Jisung is enamoured by the excited sparkle in the guy’s eyes when he talks about the cat he had adopted from there and the two others he had basically found on the street._

_The vibe is nice and relaxed and before Jisung knows it, two hours have passed. It is a bit strange how easy it is to talk to the other but Jisung finds it nice how he doesn’t feel like running away for once._

_It’s only when a silence finally falls that Jisung remembers the stained shirt and without explaining anything, he tells Minho to follow him. The older does without much thought and only when Jisung closes his bedroom door Minho speaks up._

_‘’As cute as you are, I’m not going to sleep with someone I just met Jisung,’’_

_‘’That’s not it, idiot,’’ Jisung huffs back, swiftly turning to the drawers to hide the flush creeping back on his face. There is another laugh._

_Jisung rummages through his shirts, keeping Minho’s ripped black jeans in mind before pulling something out and throwing it at Minho’s face._

_‘’Change,’’ Jisung comments, ‘’The stain is totally ruining everything,’’_

_Minho feigns hurt and mumbles something about how nothing can ruin his good looks but smiles mischievously when Jisung tells him to shut up before turning around to give the guy some privacy._

_It doesn’t take long before something gets hurdled at him, soft fabric hitting the back of his head and flopping over his eyes. Jisung catches the smell of flowers – probably fabric softener – and something vaguely cinnamon-like._

_Jisung turns around when there is a tap on his shoulder._

_‘’You can throw that away,’’ Minho comments with a laugh, ‘’Or you can try and salvage it. In that case keep it. I’m sure it would look nice on you,’’_

_Jisung shakes his head and gets the blouse off his head, oddly determined, ‘’No no. I’m going to fix this and give it back to you,’’_

_Minho’s eyes mist over with that mischievous something again._

_‘’Is that your way of asking me out?,’’_

When he blinks back into reality again, he finds himself smiling and clutching the fabric in his hands, hugging it to his chest. It’s weird, really, how a soft giggle escape his lips and he does a twirl from glee. Somehow he ends up with the piece of fabric over his head much like how it had been when Minho had thrown it at him and despite it having been tucked away in an old and dusty closet, it still smells somewhat the same.

But then again, it could be his imagination. He doesn’t care what it is and chuckles when he stumbles over his own feet, slightly dizzy from spinning in circles so much. It makes him bump into the wall and he has to reach out to keep himself steady.

He stills and giggles some more when he thinks back on how the rest of that evening had gone. From the way they slow danced in the living room to a very unfitting beat after getting a little drunk, all the way to Seungmin’s cold stare as he promised to declare war if Minho did something to Jisung, followed by Hyunjin’s slurred speech about rioting against the schoolboard.

Jisung tries to get his breathing back to normal and then suddenly he feels the giddy feeling seeping out of his body and into the floor. It makes him sigh as he hangs his head and he stays there for a long time, trying to push away the tears welling up in his eyes.

He hasn’t cried in weeks, has done more than enough to last him years a couple of months back, so he refuses to do it again.

A little while passes before he lifts his head up and rips the fabric off his head, letting it slip out of his fingers and onto the floor. 

He looks around and his whole floor is scattered with items, ranging from a soft blanket with frilled edges to a pair of old denim jeans. It’s a lot. A lot of memories sprawled out right in front of him and for some reason it is all very overwhelming, his legs backing him up until he feels his bedframe pushing against his calves. 

The song gets interrupted by a commercial and it’s more than enough to give that last push and break the moment.

Jisung can’t stand to look at them anymore, even the things that don’t necessarily have anything to do with Minho. Because this isn’t all just about his ex.

Sure, it’s a big part but he can’t blame how he has slowly started to cut out his friends on the messy breakup. That’s all on him. Both.

And then he finds himself sitting on his bed again, eyeing the empty desk where a couple of picture frames once stood. He remembers the anger, the self-hatred and the shattering of glass. There is still a dent in the wall next to his door.

But it’s all in the past now and there is nothing he can do to take back his words. The things he has said are way too horrible to do that. Why he has said them, he still can’t figure out but he has a hunch. That hunch being that he hadn’t felt all that great for years.

It still doesn’t give him an excuse and he hates himself for it. 

He guesses it’s deserved. He deserves to feel horrible. He has hurt Minho, made him cry when he had sworn not to. 

It’s all on him, even if there is something not right in his head. 

Jisung ends up shoving everything back in the closet, walks to his bed and let’s himself fall on his back.

The ceiling still looks the same but it’s fascinating nonetheless. The previous horrible feeling seeps away slowly, together with the tears.

He feels numb again, but this time there is a vague hint of darkness.

And he just lets it spread.

It’s better like that.

He deserves it.

**Author's Note:**

> Next up, Chan.


End file.
